Looking ahead

I was able to get to the gym on Saturday morning and ran for 1.5 miles and walked for 3/4 of a mile. I felt great until the last quarter mile in which my abs decided to rebel. Even though I did Pilates for a good while during my pregnancy, I still feel as though my abdominals have taken a hit and I lost quite a bit of core strength. Or I’m still adjusting to breathing heavily again, one of the two. Either way, an ab workout probably wouldn’t hurt to have during this time.

I turn 30 in May of this year. Last year, right after I discovered I was pregnant one month before my 29th birthday, I vowed to go to Las Vegas for my 30th. The plan was to leave the kiddo with grandma and grandpa, jet off to Vegas with my hubby and some friends, and spend a whirlwind weekend having a blast and living it up to celebrate the start of a brand new decade and farewell to my 20s (which were legendary, if I do say so myself).

It sounds magical, doesn’t it?

I still would love to do something like that, but I love vacationing in the first place and so, turning 30 or not, or baby or no baby, I would always jump at a weekend getaway.

I reflected on this plan while running. It would certainly be doable and I’m sure the grandparents would jump at the chance to babysit, but I also remembered this other thing I wanted to do that weekend, which is the Colfax Half Marathon. It was my first half marathon so it always kind of has that nostalgic place in my heart, and I didn’t run any half marathons last year due to pregnancy.

My run on Saturday was the first time I felt anything like my old running self – enjoying the moment, loving the movement, feeling challenged, motivated and inspired. I miss that more than I realized. When you become a mom for the first time, you’re thrown into a brand new identity that is filled with uncertainty, anxiety, lack of confidence in yourself. After all, you’ve never done this before. It’s a brand new thing, and it’s quite scary, even if you have the greatest support system in the world. You’re totally responsible for this little tiny baby who is completely dependent on you and THAT IS A BIG DEAL, people. At the same time, you are left wondering where your old life went, especially the freedom and independence and spontaneity that you once had. In this brand new identity, you are quite uncertain of yourself and if you’ll ever feel comfortable in this brand new skin, or if you’ll ever feel like yourself at all.

You do, of course… eventually. But as I have mentioned plenty of times before, running was and is a part of my identity, even this brand new one.  And I remembered that on Saturday.. and it felt amazing. With that in mind, it’s pretty obvious to me that Vegas is out, and a weekend in Denver with my closest friends and family, culminating with running the half marathon on Sunday, is definitely the way I want to spend my 30th birthday. I really cannot wait to cross the finish line and see my husband and daughter cheering me on.

And have I mentioned how excited I am to run with my daughter some day? She’s got super long legs already. She’ll probably outrun her mom.