Crawling out

First, I just want to say thanks for all of the kind and helpful comments on my last post. It seems as though nobody but you guys and my husband understand how I feel or what I’m going through. Exasperated by the fact that one of my friends who has a six month old (previous marathoner) gave me a hard time about running during pregnancy on Saturday, it feels like even those I expect to support or understand my feelings are in fact, quite the opposite. I’m quickly finding out that when you’re pregnant, everyone’s got an opinion or advice; even when you explicitly state that you’re tired of unsolicited advice they give it to you anyway!

It has been SUCH an up and down weekend. So, in true Karen @ Waisting Time style, I give you my weekend recap, running style.

Gold medal – The Classic 10k. Let’s hear it for finishing my first official 10k as a pregnant lady! And even better, I beat my previous 10k time (for the same race) by 13 seconds! Woohoo!

6.2 miles at 19 weeks pregnant – my finish time was 1:07:19. I RAN all the hills (also different from last year), and my sweet, awesome hubby paced me the entire way. Very, very pleased, and baby was sooo active and kicking up a storm the rest of the day. I think he/she likes running!

This was a HUGE confidence booster for me, being 6 lbs heavier than last year, but having my running improved so much. Last year, I really felt wiped out by mile 4 because I was pushing it, but this year, it didn’t really feel difficult until that last .2 miles. I felt great and confidence the entire race, despite the usual feeling like I had to pee during the first mile. I really feel like I am in better running shape than I was a year ago.

Bronze medal - maternity clothes. Why do they suck? I officially don’t fit into ANY of my pants anymore, and while the Bella Band lasted me for a few weeks, it’s not really conducive when I can’t even squeeze the pants around my hips, let alone zip them up. I tried to go maternity clothes shopping last week, but I’m still too small for the full maternity clothes and too big for my regular size. The solution? Just by bigger clothes. I ordered some “in between” maternity clothes from Old Navy, but upon finding out they wouldn’t be here for another week, I went to TJ Maxx yesterday and just bought three pairs of pants in a size 8. Oh, and one pair of awesome black pants in a size 6 because I WILL be back there some day! So, I feel better that I have clothes that fit, not so pleased that I dropped $200 on stuff that won’t fit me for that long. That’s what I get for getting rid of all my fat clothes 4 months before we conceived!

Last place- the scale. Still up 1.4 lbs despite tremendous exercise this weekend. I feel my efforts are becoming futile at this point. But to be honest, I should be paying closer attention to what I’m eating. One bratwurst for lunch is OK, Anna. A bratwurst plus a hot dog is probably not something to brag about. The exercise is spot on, but the diet probably (ok, it really) needs tweaking. I realize I will gain weight regardless; I’m just not sure that 2-3 lbs a week is proper?

Pacing myself - one week. A week from today (August 1st), we find out if Baby Marathoner has a hamburger or a hot dog (like my childish antics? I do!) While I think I am pretty sure it’s a boy, most days I second guess myself. Either way, I hope this week goes by quickly! I think we’ve settled on both boy and girl names, so I’ll be sure to update next Monday with the official results.

Last place (again) – IT Band. I have known for about two years that my right hip flexor gives me problems. But my left leg/hip? Never had an issue until about two weeks ago while running. Very irritating and while it’s taking less time to work out/rehab than my right knee, it’s still frustrating. Did you know that IT Band problems are common in pregnant women? Apparently, your connective tissues loosen during pregnancy, making you more prone to injury. It’s behaving well if I make sure to stretch and roll it out after a run, but I was hurting pretty good on Saturday after the race. Unfortunately this limits my running a bit, but as long as it doesn’t get worse, I’ll deal and try not to get too bummed out by it.

Silver medal – Working from home on a Monday. We have foreign VIPs on base today, and we were advised to stay home due to crazy security measures. Yes, please! Here’s to sleeping in an extra 45 minutes, working from home in my jammies, and getting to meet my BFF from college for lunch!

First place – Baby daddy. The only person in the whole world (or so it seems sometimes) that understands me. :)

Side shot…19 weeks and counting. I’m posting this only because this is pre-tacos. That’s right…. it’s TACO NIGHT at the Babies and Marathons household!!!!

In a funk

I’ve been mulling blogging for several days and each time that I start to form words in my mind, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I think I needed to be in a better place so I could approach my newfound Debbie Downer attitude from a positive standpoint (i.e., I want to be on my way out of it before I wrote about it, if that makes sense).

It really started with my clothes getting tight, and being depressed about hitting the 140s, and having to try and find new clothes, but being so lost with what to buy/where to buy anything maternity. I’m too small for regular maternity clothes, but too big for my own clothes. I finally just bought bigger clothes, but still go through closet musical chairs every morning trying to find something that doesn’t make me feel like a total whale. Quite frankly, it really bothers me that I’m gaining weight. I know it’s “expected” and “a positive,” and on the plus side, at my doctor’s appointment last Friday, I’d *officially* only gained 3 pounds, which means it’s ALL baby/boobs/uterus – plus. A good thing. It means that my exercising is paying off and I’m (so far) not gaining any fat. But can I see this? No. What I see is that it looks like I gained triple that if you go by my appearance. I have a bump, sure, but it’s still not noticeable enough that anyone can tell I’m actually pregnant. I really just look chubby and like I’ve got an 18-wheeler strapped to my midsection, not just your normal spare tire.

It’s VERY hard for me to be exercising so much (running three times a week plus pilates) and not see any immediate gratification from it. I feel I’m actually in better shape cardiovascular-wise than before I got pregnant, and yet I see no results from it. The scale just keeps creeping up! Logically I know this is supposed to happen and it means that Baby Marathoner is growing and all that fun stuff, but emotionally, it really, really sucks. If I was exercising this much and not pregnant, I’d probably be at my happy weight with no problem.

I do know that benefits will come in time, and there’s no doubt that I’m not throwing in the towel, accepting my fate, and eating for two like it’s going out of style. If anything, I have immense gratitude for every mile I’m able to log. I feel like every mile is a gift right now, and I am impressed with myself that I’m nearly halfway through my pregnancy and still running! Cher needs to appear and give me a dose of reality:

I do actually think a lot of my attitude in general has to do with pregnancy hormones. I’m cranky, I had my first unwarranted crazy pregnant lady crying episode earlier this week, and I’m generally down about everything (mostly my appearance, though). I know it will get better, and I try to remind myself that the reward IS coming, and this hard work WILL pay off for sure.

And there is always the next ultrasound to look forward to. We’ll find out if we need to buy blue or pink running shoes on August 1st. :) Baby Marathoner is also running in his first 10k on Saturday, and racing always puts me in a better mood!

So here’s to breaking out of this funk. I did find some cute “in between stage” maternity clothes at Old Navy, I’m getting a new hair cut next weekend, and giving myself a well-deserved manicure. And strapping on my running shoes, of course!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most

I have a lot on my mind so bear with me as I verbally vomit.

Something that worried me about becoming pregnant and motherhood was the loss of my identity. That’s kind of an abstract concept, so I hope I can explain it well… what I mean by loss of identity is losing sight of myself – who I am, what I love, what has shaped me and what makes me unique. I feared/fear becoming a talking bobble head who only talks about her kids, drives a minivan (no offense to minivan drivers, but I love my 4Runner!), and is basically consumed by her kids’ lives. I have feared losing my passion for my husband, running, my job, my hobbies, etc. and so of all the hundreds and hundreds of talks that I had with my hubby before we took the plunge, maintaining me was at the top of my list.  Thankfully, I married a rock star of a husband who listens well and we worked through how I could maintain my identity, because frankly, it would affect him too. And I know he also wants to maintain his identity, which involves doting on his wife (ha!), fixing cars, riding dirt bikes, going to happy hour, and keeping so many of his passions that shape who he is. I am a firm believer that a healthy person makes a healthy wife/mother/employee/etc.

We’ve done a good job of that so far, the two of us. He hardly blinked an eye when I suggested joining the gym again, and encourages me pretty regularly to go because he knows it makes me happy. We’ve talked a lot about me going back to work part-time after six weeks of maternity leave (I would work from home for 12 hours and work in the office one day) mostly because I love my job and have invested a lot in my career, but also because I know it would help me to get out of the house and do things and be around adults. We’ve talked about each of us taking half a day to do whatever we want, by ourselves, once the baby is here so we can both enjoy our hobbies. That may be unrealistic (it probably is), but it’s it’s a naive nice dream to have. :)

What I didn’t anticipate is how much other people would forget that I am more than the talking bobble head. That I have a lot more going on in my life than preparing for this baby. Like figuring out my maternity leave, which the thought of juggling it all stresses me out. Or how, because I am paid on a monthly basis and it’s a month behind, how we are going to swing being a one-income family for a bit while I’m on leave. Or that I have a 10k in just over a week, or that I am really seriously considering the San Antonio Rock ‘n Roll MARATHON 11 months post-partum. And considering all of the trepidations I had before I got pregnant, well, they rear their ugly head from time to time, and it takes the wind out of my sails wondering if we did the right thing, I like my life the way it is, and why did we have to go and change everything?

What doesn’t keep me up at night is finishing painting the nursery, what we’re going to name the baby, or where we’re registering for the millions of ridiculous and superfluous things that a baby apparently “needs” according to Babies R Us and Target. But that’s what everyone else wants to talk about. And while I don’t want to rain on their parade or be a damper on their excitement, sometimes it’s just too much to handle! And then I get all anti-mommy and shut down for a few days and don’t want to talk about anything baby-related. I love my little growing runner, no doubt. But I am struggling to find a balance between what everyone else wants to talk about, and what’s going on in the other 99% of my life, you know?

I don’t know that I’ve come to any conclusion other than I needed to get this out because other than my husband, there’s no one else that really understands the struggle I’m having maintaining my identity. I know it will change and conform when the kiddo arrives, and I expect that and am open to it. But at this point in my life, there’s definitely a lot of other exciting things going on, and I miss people taking an interest in those things instead of asking for the millionth time if I know what I’m having yet… you know?

Anyone, anyone?

Vacation and 16 weeks (yikes)

Why must vacations come to an end!? I so enjoyed my extra few days off. On Tuesday, I hit the gym for an elliptical workout, which left my legs screaming. They were already sore and tired from the race, but I know working them out made my recovery a bit faster. I came home for a quick shower, went and picked up lunch (turkey and chipotle mayo on challah – mmmm!) and met hubby for lunch before heading off for a long-awaited spa appointment. I’d received a spafinder.com gift card for Christmas, and had intended on using it after my two half marathons in May. But I was still in my first trimester, and apparently massages in the first trimester are forbidden, so I had to wait until the second trimester. Well, Tuesday was the perfect time to do it and I’m soooo glad I did! It was my first professional massage ever, and it was absolutely enjoyable. Since I booked a 30 minute massage, she focused mostly on my neck and shoulders, which is what I wanted. But, my hips and thighs were so sore from running that I was really wishing I’d had a sports therapy-type massage on top of it. Anyway, it really was heavenly, and I can see easily becoming addicted to it! :) I also booked a one-hour spa pedicure, so I did get a great foot and calf massage too. I came home and we made dinner…. to escape the heat (no A/C in our house and 90+ degrees…ugh), we went to Target and checked out all the baby gear.

For Wednesday, I had planned on getting a lot done around the house, but laziness took over and I mostly laid around and watched TV. :) I did manage to get back to Target for a Bella Band as my work pants are getting tight, had lunch with hubby again, and made a few loaves of banana bread. I also managed to get to my treadmill boot camp at the gym for a serious interval workout (12 increasing intervals plus one four-minute hill at the end). I am proud to say that I was the only one who chose to run the hill interval instead of walk. Sweating at the end for sure!! Tomorrow is pilates and that will mark working out for days in a row… an accomplishment for me these days, haha.

Since Karen asked, I took a belly picture! I’ve really popped in the last week so maybe I’m almost out of the looking chubby stage.

The Baby Daddy says it looks like I always do when I stick my stomach out after eating too much. I did eat two tacos before taking this photo. Man, those were good tacos!

Celebrating 4 miles at 15w4d

It’s officially summer! Why? Because it’s freaking HOT here!  I know, I know… I’m either complaining about the extreme cold or the heat. There are at least two months where I’m happy with the temperatures here. :)

How did you spend your 4th of July? Mine’s been extremely lazy. I also took off Tuesday and Wednesday, and unlike our normal M.O., we’ve really been pretty free of obligations during the holiday. We did stop by a coworker’s BBQ on Saturday, and Dave and I did run in the Palmer Lake 4 Mile Fun Run on Monday… but other than that? Nada. It’s been wonderful!

 

I picked up this great shirt from For Two Fitness. Got a lot of compliments – people loved it and kept asking if it was true! And then were astonished to learn I was 4 months pregnant. It’s pretty supportive and long so as my belly grows, the shirt will stretch nicely along with it. The picture on my blog is from the race last year….ahh, to be 133 lbs again. Some day, some day.

It was a warm one for the race. While it was only 60 when we left the house at 6:25, it was 70 by the time the race started at 7:15… and super hot on the trail. But it was a great race – about 150 more people participated this year than last year, which is always nice.  The course is a nice, easy downhill course from Palmer Lake to Monument. It loops around the lake and then you book it until the end, where they throw in a nice steep hill right before the finish line. Last year, I wimped out and walked the hill; this year, I ran the whole thing (thanks, treadmill boot camp!) We finished in 45:11, about 30ish? seconds slower than my time last year. Not bad for lugging around about 6 extra pounds.

The most interesting and gross part of the race came about halfway through when it suddenly smelled like a dirty diaper. Being that this  race attracts a lot of jogging strollers, I figured someone must have passed me with a dirty diaper in their possession. But I kept smelling it, and smelling it. And soon I realized there were no jogging strollers in front of us or in the vicinity, really. And the stench was bad.  Dave smelled it too, so I know it wasn’t just me.

I’d been playing tag with one woman….she would sprint, then walk, then sprint, then walk. I had it in my mind to pass her once and for all, because I was tired of playing leap frog. At one point, when she was walking in front of me, I noticed it – the wet stain on her shorts that was growing bigger and bigger.  Annnnnd then I put two and two together and realized the stinky diaper smell was coming from her. At that point, I decided to back off quite a bit! Now, I’ll give you crapping your pants during a marathon. I don’t understand it, but I’ll nod my head in a somewhat sympathetic understanding. But 4 miles? On a trail in the middle of nowhere, with lots of bushes and trees and leaves? And you still crapped your pants? Even worse, since it wasn’t running down her leg (she was wearing shorter shorts, mind you), I think she actually was wearing a diaper? Or some seriously plastic undies? Either way, it was not a pretty sight (or smell)

Anyway, here’s to logging my 4th race this year and my 3rd as a pregnant lady. It’s getting interesting, but not so much because of my belly. It’s my boobs growing! But that’s another story for another day. I hope everyone had a safe and fun 4th of July!