Thursday, July 21, 2011

In a funk

I’ve been mulling blogging for several days and each time that I start to form words in my mind, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I think I needed to be in a better place so I could approach my newfound Debbie Downer attitude from a positive standpoint (i.e., I want to be on my way out of it before I wrote about it, if that makes sense).

It really started with my clothes getting tight, and being depressed about hitting the 140s, and having to try and find new clothes, but being so lost with what to buy/where to buy anything maternity. I’m too small for regular maternity clothes, but too big for my own clothes. I finally just bought bigger clothes, but still go through closet musical chairs every morning trying to find something that doesn’t make me feel like a total whale. Quite frankly, it really bothers me that I’m gaining weight. I know it’s “expected” and “a positive,” and on the plus side, at my doctor’s appointment last Friday, I’d *officially* only gained 3 pounds, which means it’s ALL baby/boobs/uterus – plus. A good thing. It means that my exercising is paying off and I’m (so far) not gaining any fat. But can I see this? No. What I see is that it looks like I gained triple that if you go by my appearance. I have a bump, sure, but it’s still not noticeable enough that anyone can tell I’m actually pregnant. I really just look chubby and like I’ve got an 18-wheeler strapped to my midsection, not just your normal spare tire.

It’s VERY hard for me to be exercising so much (running three times a week plus pilates) and not see any immediate gratification from it. I feel I’m actually in better shape cardiovascular-wise than before I got pregnant, and yet I see no results from it. The scale just keeps creeping up! Logically I know this is supposed to happen and it means that Baby Marathoner is growing and all that fun stuff, but emotionally, it really, really sucks. If I was exercising this much and not pregnant, I’d probably be at my happy weight with no problem.

I do know that benefits will come in time, and there’s no doubt that I’m not throwing in the towel, accepting my fate, and eating for two like it’s going out of style. If anything, I have immense gratitude for every mile I’m able to log. I feel like every mile is a gift right now, and I am impressed with myself that I’m nearly halfway through my pregnancy and still running! Cher needs to appear and give me a dose of reality:


I do actually think a lot of my attitude in general has to do with pregnancy hormones. I’m cranky, I had my first unwarranted crazy pregnant lady crying episode earlier this week, and I’m generally down about everything (mostly my appearance, though). I know it will get better, and I try to remind myself that the reward IS coming, and this hard work WILL pay off for sure.

And there is always the next ultrasound to look forward to. We’ll find out if we need to buy blue or pink running shoes on August 1st. :) Baby Marathoner is also running in his first 10k on Saturday, and racing always puts me in a better mood!

So here’s to breaking out of this funk. I did find some cute “in between stage” maternity clothes at Old Navy, I’m getting a new hair cut next weekend, and giving myself a well-deserved manicure. And strapping on my running shoes, of course!


Karen@WaistingTime said...

I think you should reach out to someone who has been though this. Maybe I gave you this suggestion before? There are several "healthy living" bloggers who have lost weight then gotten pregnant. I am sure some would be able to empathize with you. One of the biggest is Roni and I suspect if you sent her an email she'd respond.

Anna said...

I haven't seen Roni's blog before, but it's awesome!! Thank you for sharing it! It does help to see someone successful post-baby. maybe I just need to work on my my idea of what "success" is for the time being.

Renee @ MyKitchenAdventures said...

It might help to focus on the exercise you are doing now helping you once you have delivered...and believe will really make a difference to you then that you have kept up now. You will be able to bounce back to the prepregnancy YOU that much quicker. This is fact. In the meantime, try to remember to stop and enjoy this pregnancy. While it may feel like you will be in this state forever, it really is so don't want to regret not enjoying it when you can.

fancy nancy said...

Hang in there!!! Again wish I could give you big hugs!! It will all pay off in the end and you are ROCKING this pregnancy. You're almost half-way there and you've only gained 3lbs!! Wow chickie! I know it's hard right now but you'll get there!! Way to stay focused!

Anonymous said...

You're doing great! And you're doing a 10K while pregnant! Just remember, most people don't do that even when not pregnant! You should be very proud of yourself. And it is for a good cause and you'll love your baby no matter how many pounds you gain. Try and stay focused on the "means vs. the end". And this is a very special time. Please don't let your weight overshadow the beauty of this experience. Embrace this time and your belly!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry - it must be so hard to adjust to doing the right things and not seeing the usual results - weight loss and smaller body parts. Delayed gratification!


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